Turning it up!

It turns out that we human beings are utterly and inordinately fond of our own opinions, sometimes making them sound like truths by arguing about them logically, and sometimes, making concessions for them as if they are nothing but fleeting emotions. It is said, "Take away a person's money, and you take nothing. Take away their fame, and it's still nothing. But to take away someone's character, is to destroy them completely."

Ages ago, Descartes came along with his own spin on philosophy, thinking about thinking and all that jazz, and changed the entire value system. If I think therefore I am, my thoughts must be the most important things in my life- the very basis of my identity! And so began the trend of valuing thoughts more than actions.

Opinions, previously "humble", started counting for more once writing, printing, and publishing became more accessible. It was a very short journey to the point when, we started valuing opinions more than virtues and values themselves, let alone people. In fact, we have recently grown so fond of our opinions that once having formed them, the thought of changing them is scarier to us than dying a lonely death. Once formed, we try to justify our opinions more than we would defend our own children. 

And so it happened that I was scared of admitting, even to myself, that anyone else's point of view could be totally valid. Stripped of my job, I could still be a homemaker. If I'd not had biological children, I could still become a mother. But stripped of my fully formed, seemingly flawless convictions, I would be a nobody! Wouldn't I lose all self-respect if 35 years of my laboriously careful considerations, observations, human interaction based experiments had all led me to totally wrong conclusions!

But wait...
Last time I checked, no child is scared of turning a toy over to see what really makes it tick. Very few in school refuse to take the exams for the fear of failure. And even though it might take them a while to see or accept their mistakes, kids are never scared of using erasers to correct them. 

In that moment of clarity, I saw through my ego, my clinging to own opinions, my stupid insistence that only my convictions are true, and not those of others. It made me see what was truly important to me, irrespective of anyone's expectations, irrespective of my own expectations of myself.

Like a little kid, I turned over the toy and saw that at the bottom of hurt, there was false pride and ego. At the bottom of escapism, there were insecurities. And at the bottom of conflict, there was love. Love made love life tick happily as long as I would want it. 

Today, I don't consider myself being foolish for having loved people enough for them to let them hurt me. I consider myself lucky to have had a life that's not stuck on mistakes, but on erasing, and re-learning.